I make no pretense about being a film or TV critic- or any other critic really- but sometimes something comes along that you simply cannot help but talk about. I am currently utterly hooked, obsessed, addicted (and several other participles along those lines) to BBC1's big budget drama The Deep. Not because it is brilliant, but because it is so hysterically dreadful in absolutely every way. It is a combination of the car-crash phenomenon (so bad you awful you cannot bring yourself to turn away) and schadenfreude of unhealthy proportions. It's not an attractive thing to see in yourself, but I cannot help but imagine James Nesbitt's feelings as he watches this total tripe at home and realises "Oh god! What the fuck were we thinking?".
First up, let me point out I am in no way attacking the BBC here. I love the BBC, for all its flaws. A corporation will inevitably have flaws and herculean failures by its very nature, so delivering a televisual atrocity like The Deep is entirely forgivable (although with a small caveat, which I will come back to). For every sinking ship (yeah, there's probably going to be more than a fair share of nautical analogies from here on in) like this there are triumphs that no other TV network would have the courage to even attempt. The recent brilliance of Sherlock and the current superb historical documentary The Normans are shining jewels in Auntie's crown, and would be more than worth my license fee even before we mention Test Match Special (cricket nut, sorry). Anyone using The Deep to beat the Beeb over the head with should be ashamed of themselves, particularly when it is compared with the interminable tripe the commercial terrestrial stations churn out, let alone the near-total absence of original programming on Sky. With that clear, let us get to the leviathan submarine shitfest itself.
In case you haven't seen it, here is a brief summary of what you need to know, spoiler free. You need to imagine this being read by that American chap with a deep gravelly voice and an overly dramatic delivery:
On a mission of amazing discovery below the Arctic ice, a submarine vanishes without a trace. Now, one man [it's always "one man". It's Jimmy 'Adam From Cold Feet' Nesbitt this time] joins a second quest bound to complete their work, and to honour the memory of his wife, lost on the first mission. At the last minute, a mysterious man from the Powers That Be arrives, ordering them to discover what happened to the previous expedition. Coming this Fall... starring Goran 'I wish I was still in ER' Visnjic... Minnie 'Why don't I get parts like Good Will Hunting anymore?' Driver... Toby 'That bloke from Rome' Menzies... and James 'appeared pissed on Buzzcocks' Nesbitt. THE DEEP.
And I've possibly made it sound better, more original and more exciting than it actually is. Oh, the other thing you need to know is that, pre-credits scene where the first lot vanish, we see Jimmy's Mrs. You probably won't be able to name her but you're sure to recognise the actress playing that character, which should immediately tell you a fair few of the upcoming plot twists. There's also a few other berks (who you immediately think should be wearing red shirts) along for the ride, all played by people you've never seen before. One of them- the charming but slightly dappy young lady- knows a secret about two of the main characters. Another is Russian. Another is the token chap with dark skin. If you cannot immediately tell me large portions of the plot just from that, you need another shot of espresso.
The list of flaws with this whole farce is very long, but the one that is utterly unforgivable is the plot. It is totally cliched, and every single twist is telegraphed hours before it comes along. To say there is no dramatic tension would be like saying there are no world class footballers playing for Grimsby- it does not quite convey how palpably unexciting the entire escapade is. No matter what else is going on, if your drama is based on events they have to be dramatic when they arrive- if you see them coming (and if they are things you have seen done many times before) they have no impact.
The unoriginality is a rather insurmountable part of this whole disaster. It looks for all intents and purposes like it was written by someone with a very limited range of inspirations. There's a rather obvious nod to The Abyss (mysteries of the deep and shizzle), another in the direction of The X-Files (shady goings on, mysterious bloke from "The Admiralty", big powerful organisations, weird happenings that seem impossible et cetera, et cetera) and possibly a touch of Lost here and there (I'll not explain that one as it involves a spoiler... oh fuck it, you'll see it coming anyway- they get stuck in "The Deep", and weird unexplainable shit happens). And most of the ideas have already been recycled ad nauseam. Add in a few more (dour ship captain who seems unusually unhelpful, overly friendly American working for the UN, Japanese computer wizard, extramarital entertainments) and it just gets even worse. But that's not even the worst bit about the problems with the plot. There are two even more awful.
It looks a little bit like a chronically untalented GCSE Drama student wrote the screenplay- obvious cliches from insanely famous shows/films, clunky and predictable plot twists etc- immediately after doing a weekend screenwriting course. There are some horribly crude plot devices.
The first ("The MacGuffin", the object which essentially does nothing but is the motivation for all involved) is a vague thing, a microorganism which will apparently change the world. It's never explained what the bloody hell it really is, how it could be found, what it could do or anything else really, which tells you immediately how unimportant it is in the plot- the writers couldn't even be arsed to work out what it is, let alone tell the audience. But hey, it doesn't matter, it's just a tool to get them to be where you want them to be so the events can take place, right? Wrong. The whole premise is that the mission is extremely dangerous, so dangerous that a previous attempt resulted in a loss with all hands and no evidence of what happened to them, not a trace. So why are this new lot going after them? It sounds bloody important. Yet we're not really told (at least we haven't had it adequately explained in the first three episodes, which is when it should be done) so why do we care about the mission? In short, we don't.
There's another huge one ("The Chekhov's Rifle", an object that immediately catches your eye at the beginning of Act I Scene I that must be used by Act III or not be there at all) in the shape of Jimmy N's better half. If you cast an instantly recognisable actress in an ensemble with few familiar faces, you instantly tell us this is significant. So when we barely see her apart from a few flashbacks, you make it clear that she isn't dead at all and will be found alive, it's just a question of when and how. It's painfully obvious really, and completely shatters any sympathy you have for the mourning widower.
There is without question a stonking great third one coming at the end ("The Deus Ex Machina", the sudden all-solving arrival at the exact point everything seems doomed to disaster that rescues the situation) that will bring this cataclysm to a conclusion. It really is all terribly amateur, as if written by someone who knows a little but lacks any real understanding or skill as to how that knowledge should be used. The daft thing is how clumsily all these elements are sewn together- the writers clearly had no clue how to tell the story, so a very small set of events take an epic length of time to happen. You wish there had been some immature bloke on the team who just wanted some big explosions and some shagging thrown in to liven it up a bit- given how tediously slow and relentlessly dull this all is, some accelerating of pace with some action (of either kind) would be a refreshing change. But no, the snail's pace endures. And in the yawning gaps between events, you realise just how many things are wrong with The Deep.
For a start the script is truly hopeless- clumsy, clunky, obvious, witless, without guile and lacking anything which resembles characterisation. The direction is equally shocking, and the way you realise this is the woeful nature of the acting. Minnie Driver and Goran Visnjic (and even big Jimmy) are good actors (yes, Goran's good- watch Deep End if you don't believe me) yet both appear absolutely useless here. When good actors look shite, it's either the script or the direction that's wrong. In this case, it's both.
The camera work is shite, again probably to do with the direction- no properly trained cameraman would be as wonky and crass as this (at times it's so bad it looks like outtakes) so it can only be because the director told them to do it. The costumes are bland. The set looks rubbish. The soundtrack is honking and irritating. The special effects are inferior to the graphics in Bioshock. The ditsy girl who knew too much died early on, and I'm quite sure the token Asian guy is about to be killed off soon (if he wasn't going to pop his clogs, they might have given him something resembling a personality- or as close as they could manage, anyway). They even have shady Russians turn up for crying out loud. And it is at this point that I have to take umbrage with the BBC just a little- that little caveat I mentioned before.
You cannot help but wonder how this ever got commissioned. At what point did anyone think this was ever going to be good? The plot and script are so utterly abysmal that you really have to question how it ever got to the point where someone gave the go-ahead for any money to be spent in the first place. Forget the shoddy dialogue and poor characterisation (and the other problems), it should have been obvious to anyone half awake that the premise was bad. Far too little happens- the events of the first three episodes could have been put into one and instantly become better, as there would be some pace and drama to it. This is a project that should never have got to pre-production, so without redeeming feature is it.
Yet I am completely hooked. It is totally awful in every imaginable way- I cannot think of a single thing that is good about it. But I will watch again next Tuesday, and the finale the week after. I have to see every episode to be completely certain that it does not get good at the end. I am taking a genuine pleasure in how dreadful it is, and would hate them to ruin it by turning it around- I want to be able to hold this up for years to come as a monumental Colossus of terribleness, and to remember it as possibly the worst big budget TV series ever made. It's so dire it almost goes full circle- it goes beyond shit to the point that its shitness becomes enjoyable.
Although it's probably just me.
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Monday, 2 August 2010
How I became ashamed of my music, and why it is under threat from within
It's always the way. Having just got back from a truly cracking weekend at Knebworth and being generally in high spirits, I've gone and thoroughly got the arsehole. At first the cause was annoying, then it was boring- now it has made me ashamed. I've had enough.
First up, let me just emphasise my love for metal. I have no wish to try and sound like the target of a Brian Posehn song, I simply want to explain some of the things I adore. I am a fan of most styles to fall within the sphere of metal. I have a blind spot on hair metal- I've tried to like Motley Crue and Poison, but after multiple attempts we went our seperate ways amicably- but other than that there is no style I dislike. I don't claim to be an expert in every field- certainly my sludge knowledge could be improved- but I listen to more, I learn and my enjoyment of the wonderful world of distorted guitars grows yet larger. Obviously I have certain areas that interest me above others. Over the last few years, the sonic realms I have spent most time and effort rooting around in have been black and power metal. Wait, don't run away- this is not going to turn into a rant about how great they are. I'm barely going to talk about them actually, but my love for the evil and satanic and heroic and camp is the the crux of what has raised my ire. Namely, I'm almost becoming embarrassed to proclaim my adoration- not because of the lyrical content of either, the corpsepaint imagery or totally over the top nature, but because of the proclamations coming from other fans of this music.
The irony is that so many of said proclamations are damaging the very bastions they claim to be devoted to. There is a nauseating genre elitism permeating the extreme end of the metal spectrum and power metal. There is a (thoroughly daft) view that somehow these styles are somehow more valid, better and more METAL than other areas at the heavy end of rock music. This on its own I could tolerate, as much as it may annoy the living shite out of me. I think it frankly ridiculous that it isn't possible to like Watain (who are really very nasty), Black Breath (who *gasp* utilise breakdowns) and Dark Moor (who use lots of widdly keyboards and are very camp), but I really can't be shagged to get my ire up about the narrowmindedness anymore. What I cannot stomach is the desire to tell those who dare to enjoy Killswitch Engage that the music they like is crap, and that they are somehow killing metal. My irritation partially comes from the willful idiocy involved in that particular statement, partially because of the damage this obnoxious behaviour does to the reputation of the music I love, but particularly because it makes me ashamed. I am tainted by association, I feel.
Part of the lunacy involved in these proclamations is the vicious circle created. The perpetual excuse of the extreme metaller laying into hardcore is the attestation that hardcore kids are wankers. This is usually followed by a bleating whine about their years of being forced to defend their music to said hardcore kids. Naturally, this does not enamour this metaller to hardcore- fair enough, that might put me off myself, although I'd probably just stop talking to bell-ends instead. The barking mad part is the subsequent desire to deride fans of metalcore and hardcore they have never even met on the internet. Somehow, these deluded pillocks think that the ideal way to convert people to their way of thinking is to do the exact same thing that made them hate hardcore in the first place. In what mad world does it work like that? It is like the boy who tries to climb over an electric fence into a field and gets a shock, only for his mate to arrogantly try the exact same thing in the belief that he will fair better. You know what? The second boy gets a shock too! And yes, I am the second boy in question. Give me a break, I wasn't the sharpest tool in the drawer when I was nine years old.
Through current fans acting like complete and total tits, potential new fans are pushed away. That kid who's still finding his way through the maze of metal subgenres is put off from going down the path marked "Stratovarius" because of the bigger kid spitting abuse at him for having just come out of the tunnel with "Bring Me The Horizon" over the top. The bigger kid's actually rather lonely where he is and would like some company down Power Metal Alley, but in his rush to berate everyone for leaving him standing alone in the first place, he scares a potential friend away.
This insanity is putting potential recruits off the music. It is horribly damaging and utterly counterproductive- the phrase "cutting off one's nose to spite one's face" leaps rather Idowu-like to mind- but that is not the worst bit. What I simply cannot abide is the way all of this makes me feel. I will defend power metal to the hilt- ask any of the poor bastards I've badgered and bullied to listen to Fairyland- but to then turn around and see dogmatic fucktards (who clearly know far less about which they speak than they claim) dragging its name through the mud is too much. It is like standing up for your football club against claims of hooliganism only for a mass display of violence to break out at a home game. My feeling when I see this bilge coming from other power metal fans is similar to when I saw the footage of West Ham fans rioting down Green Street after the League Cup game against Millwall- shame by association. I almost feel like I'm a similar sized shitwad for belonging to the fanclub- I may take no part in the action, but I feel tarred with the brush myself.
My hope is that most of these pillocks will either grow out of their billious bombast or burn out, leaving those of us who do actually listen to other things to worship the widdly keyboard in peace. Until then, I'm just going to have to learn to live with it.
As if in proof, I'm going to stop listening to Blind Guardian and put on Feed The Rhino. I may even cut my hair into a fringe, shave off the beard and wear a hat. When all the people who claim to be the most metal are acting like arseholes, who wants to be metal?
First up, let me just emphasise my love for metal. I have no wish to try and sound like the target of a Brian Posehn song, I simply want to explain some of the things I adore. I am a fan of most styles to fall within the sphere of metal. I have a blind spot on hair metal- I've tried to like Motley Crue and Poison, but after multiple attempts we went our seperate ways amicably- but other than that there is no style I dislike. I don't claim to be an expert in every field- certainly my sludge knowledge could be improved- but I listen to more, I learn and my enjoyment of the wonderful world of distorted guitars grows yet larger. Obviously I have certain areas that interest me above others. Over the last few years, the sonic realms I have spent most time and effort rooting around in have been black and power metal. Wait, don't run away- this is not going to turn into a rant about how great they are. I'm barely going to talk about them actually, but my love for the evil and satanic and heroic and camp is the the crux of what has raised my ire. Namely, I'm almost becoming embarrassed to proclaim my adoration- not because of the lyrical content of either, the corpsepaint imagery or totally over the top nature, but because of the proclamations coming from other fans of this music.
The irony is that so many of said proclamations are damaging the very bastions they claim to be devoted to. There is a nauseating genre elitism permeating the extreme end of the metal spectrum and power metal. There is a (thoroughly daft) view that somehow these styles are somehow more valid, better and more METAL than other areas at the heavy end of rock music. This on its own I could tolerate, as much as it may annoy the living shite out of me. I think it frankly ridiculous that it isn't possible to like Watain (who are really very nasty), Black Breath (who *gasp* utilise breakdowns) and Dark Moor (who use lots of widdly keyboards and are very camp), but I really can't be shagged to get my ire up about the narrowmindedness anymore. What I cannot stomach is the desire to tell those who dare to enjoy Killswitch Engage that the music they like is crap, and that they are somehow killing metal. My irritation partially comes from the willful idiocy involved in that particular statement, partially because of the damage this obnoxious behaviour does to the reputation of the music I love, but particularly because it makes me ashamed. I am tainted by association, I feel.
Part of the lunacy involved in these proclamations is the vicious circle created. The perpetual excuse of the extreme metaller laying into hardcore is the attestation that hardcore kids are wankers. This is usually followed by a bleating whine about their years of being forced to defend their music to said hardcore kids. Naturally, this does not enamour this metaller to hardcore- fair enough, that might put me off myself, although I'd probably just stop talking to bell-ends instead. The barking mad part is the subsequent desire to deride fans of metalcore and hardcore they have never even met on the internet. Somehow, these deluded pillocks think that the ideal way to convert people to their way of thinking is to do the exact same thing that made them hate hardcore in the first place. In what mad world does it work like that? It is like the boy who tries to climb over an electric fence into a field and gets a shock, only for his mate to arrogantly try the exact same thing in the belief that he will fair better. You know what? The second boy gets a shock too! And yes, I am the second boy in question. Give me a break, I wasn't the sharpest tool in the drawer when I was nine years old.
Through current fans acting like complete and total tits, potential new fans are pushed away. That kid who's still finding his way through the maze of metal subgenres is put off from going down the path marked "Stratovarius" because of the bigger kid spitting abuse at him for having just come out of the tunnel with "Bring Me The Horizon" over the top. The bigger kid's actually rather lonely where he is and would like some company down Power Metal Alley, but in his rush to berate everyone for leaving him standing alone in the first place, he scares a potential friend away.
This insanity is putting potential recruits off the music. It is horribly damaging and utterly counterproductive- the phrase "cutting off one's nose to spite one's face" leaps rather Idowu-like to mind- but that is not the worst bit. What I simply cannot abide is the way all of this makes me feel. I will defend power metal to the hilt- ask any of the poor bastards I've badgered and bullied to listen to Fairyland- but to then turn around and see dogmatic fucktards (who clearly know far less about which they speak than they claim) dragging its name through the mud is too much. It is like standing up for your football club against claims of hooliganism only for a mass display of violence to break out at a home game. My feeling when I see this bilge coming from other power metal fans is similar to when I saw the footage of West Ham fans rioting down Green Street after the League Cup game against Millwall- shame by association. I almost feel like I'm a similar sized shitwad for belonging to the fanclub- I may take no part in the action, but I feel tarred with the brush myself.
My hope is that most of these pillocks will either grow out of their billious bombast or burn out, leaving those of us who do actually listen to other things to worship the widdly keyboard in peace. Until then, I'm just going to have to learn to live with it.
As if in proof, I'm going to stop listening to Blind Guardian and put on Feed The Rhino. I may even cut my hair into a fringe, shave off the beard and wear a hat. When all the people who claim to be the most metal are acting like arseholes, who wants to be metal?
Monday, 24 May 2010
Festival Season- and we finally have a British rock festival that has a line-up that reflects Britain
Festival season is all but underway. Before you think this is going to turn into one of those snivelling moans about how the line-ups are shit while essentially saying "you haven't booked all my favourite bands. Fail. Me. Me me me! I! My taste is good, everyone else isn't metal" let me say this- Download, Sonisphere and Bloodstock (as much of the latter as has been announced, at least) all have brilliant bills. The headliners through some of the smaller main stage acts right through the second stage headliners to the most obscure tents and trucks, there are some great bands playing. Wherever you go this summer, I'm sure you're going to have a great time, get off your face and have crap tent sex with someone who, under normal circumstances, you wouldn't give a second look. But one thing I have noticed over the years has been thrown into sharp focus by my choice of destination this year.
Until last year, we essentially had two choices for the last decade- Download or Bloodstock. Then last year Stuart Galbraith gave us Sonisphere, and I had a big sex-wee at the prospect of Mastodon, Lamb Of God, Cancer Bats, Machine Head and Metallica all playing on the same day. It was great, I had a fantastic time, got far too hot, drank overpriced beer and generally broke myself for the next week. This year's bookings once again led me into choosing Sonisphere as my festival- if I had the money, I'd go to all three, but as I don't, Knebworth is the place. While all three bills have had their fair share of fucktarded moaners- the smeg-for-brains who cited Cannibal Corpse as evidence that Bloodstock has sold-out, on the basis that the Corpse are a "mainstream" death metal band, was particularly moronic- there does actually appear to be something of a pattern to the three festival bills that I don't think has been touched upon yet. Essentially- Download is the American festival, Bloodstock the European festival, and Sonisphere the British one. If you will bear with me, I'll explain.
Take a second to look at the Download bill. Go on, do it now. Have you seen it? Good. Welcome back. There is an almost overwhelming American presence on the bill. Sure, there are a few other points of origin for the bands, AC/DC, Motorhead and Billy Idol perhaps being the most obvious. But the length of the list of US acts is far longer- including an all-American mainstage on Saturday- stretching right down past Job For A Cowboy headlining the Friday of the third stage. Even those acts not from the other side of the Herring Pond either have considerable success there- such as Bullet For My Valentine, who America has taken to like a teenage boy to an internet connection without parental restrictions- or at the very least you would imagine the US market would hold some potential for. There are a few exceptions, but not until you get down to the level of Die Apokalyptischen Reiter (and yes, of course I had to check the correct spelling of their name). Download is a festival full of either American bands, bands who do well or you suspect may do well in the States and bands either so small or so big it doesn't matter. This is not a criticism- I think the Download bill is great and has a broad range of bands, and it feels like a bill ideal for getting pissed and having a laugh in the sun- it is merely an observation on the character of the festival.
This is hardly a new pattern though. Download may have had some of the biggest names in rock grace Donington Park since the current incarnation came into being seven years ago, but the bill has never simply been a question of "who's big?" (although obviously, as a commercial venture that comes into it). If you want demonstration of big bands that do not fit the Download profile, the obvious example is Emperor. When Ihsahn and Samoth came together for one last time, black metal's finest band headlined Wacken. They did not play Download. In fact, I believe I am right in stating that only three black metal bands have ever played Download- Cradle Of Filth, Dimmu Borgir and Satyricon. While some fairly brutal (and not overly popular) death metal bands populate the fringes of the festival, less heavy (and commercially more successful) black metal bands and the kind of ridiculous widdly power metal I love (some of which would possibly be more of a commercial draw as well) does not feature.
Nor should it. They would not fit. While I'd love to see Immortal back in the UK, I wouldn't want it at Donington. Nor would I particularly be interested in Stratovarius at the famous old site, as much as I'd need someone to peel me off the ceiling if they were playing somewhere else. Download has been running long enough to develop it's own style, it's own ambience, and that should not be messed with without very good reason. If the occasional exception is made- Manowar being the most obvious candidate- that is great, but changing the biggest date on the rock calendar should not even be considered. Not only that, it allows bands such as Slipknot- who would be unlikely to headline a festival elsewhere- to bask in the limelight we want them to have. Download is the UK's American rock festival, and that is how it should stay.
Bloodstock, conversely, is the European festival. It is dominated by bands from the continent (Gorgoroth, Sonata Arctica etc) or those that do their best business there, bands that are so big it doesn't matter (Heaven & Hell would have been the obvious example) and young British bands who would either work on both sides of the Atlantic or more this side than the other. While there are American bands- such as Cannibal Corpse and Fear Factory- they are all bands who fit into those styles popular on the continent (death metal, power metal and over-the-top hard rock). Despite -core-suffixed bands still being amongst the more commercially powerful, they are conspicuous by there absence at Catton Hall. You could transfer the Bloodstock bill (albeit with a much larger undercard) to Wacken, Hellfest or Metalcamp in Ljubljana (I didn't actually have to check that spelling, surprisingly) without it looking out of place.
As great as they are- and as much as they are bands I personally like a great deal- Lamb Of God and Trivium would make me uncomfortable at Bloodstock. They would be as out of place as Abbath at a Hadouken show. Far more old-school American bands- from classic bands like Testament to Municipal Waste, both of whom have played before- or more stylistically Eurocentric American bands (such as Iced Earth or Kamelot) would of course be more than welcome. It is not directly about nationality, more about what fits stylistically. If there was a German version of Machine Head, for example, you feel they would be far more appropriate a booking for Download than Bloodstock. That is the nature of the festival, and as a lover of the sometimes-derided Euro metal and of trve kvlt Norwegian black metal (and a lot of the far less kvlt stuff and non-Norwegian outfits too) I like it that way and want to keep it, in the hope that I will someday have the cash to get to three festivals a year.
The thing that strikes me about both bills is that both appear to be looking to other shores with misty eyes. Download seems to look to the West and wishes it had grown up regularly attending CBGB's and Madison Square Gardens rather than the Astoria and Wembley, while Bloodstock looks firmly towards a little village in Schleswig-Holstein (I knew that spelling too, but only because it comes up in a Flashman novel). In defence of both of them, that was because British rock music was at a real low ebb when they began, and having been forced to focus on European and American talent have now ended up with that as their nature. In reality however, in rock terms, Britain is neither America nor Europe. We do like our American hard rock and our metal influenced by Southern groove and East Coast hardcore. We also like Swedish death/doom, Finnish folk metal and Italian goth stuff. We also like uniquely British bands, be they the techy thrash and death bands coming out of the south of England, the UK hardcore scene and- as much as some may deny this- our alt rock and dance music- specifically in the area of drum and bass.
Look at the Sonisphere bill. It is undoubtably the most diverse of the three bills. Any argument would be as stupid and inaccurate as suggesting to Phil Anselmo's face that he is a weedy midget with a strange sexual prediliction for household furniature. The New Wave Of British Heavy Metal sits alongside alternative rock, reggae metal sits with deathcore, thrash neighbours heavy drum and bass and New York harcore is joined by power metal, just to begin with. Bands that would fit onto the bills of Download, Bloodstock, Reading/Leeds or even more mainstream festivals all have high billing at Knebworth. While Download has had more Scandinavian-accented acts in the past, they have never really been as diverse as the simultaneous presence of Katatonia and Sabaton. This more accurately reflects the diverse tastes of the British rock public than either of the other two our world really pays attention to.
Above and beyond Britain's rather unusual position of appreciating both American and European styles far more than America appreciates European metal or vice versa, there are some very British bands on the bill- and I don't even need to talk about Iron Maiden to demonstrate this.
Skindred could not really have come from anywhere else, and this is historical. Britain has had a far stronger influence from the Caribbean than anywhere outside those countries within that description themselves. The large immigration from former British colonies in the West Indies in the 1950s and '60s brought music with it, some of which is crucial to Skindred's sound. That kind of population movement did not happen to the same extent elsewhere, and only in places like South Wales could a band that sound like them arise.
In a different manner, Pendulum- although Australian- were always going to find most success in the UK, their drum 'n' bass basis being at its most popular in the UK. Skunk Anansie and Placebo are quintessentially British bands- that brand of indie-tinted alt rock does massively less well outside of the UK than it does here. Add in the triumphal Bohemia-headlining performance from Gallows- a band who sound like they could not possibly come from anywhere else, and are an act we can be seriously fucking proud of- and you begin to get a pattern. Some phenomenal bands from the US (Fear Factory and a band I've been trying to resist mentioning, but fuck it- SLAYER!!!), Europe (Rammstein, Europe) and some bands that are very British (not only the above, but Sylosis and Black Spiders amongst others) and you have the British festival that best represents the British rock audience.
This may of course be coincidental- the bookers may have simply put together the best bill they could, and this is how it turned out. It would seem sensible, however, for each event to keep an eye on its identity in terms of their bookings. Not only does this make it less likely that they will suddenly have a slump because they have misjudged their audience, but it also means there are a few bands who are always going to be most suited to one of the three more than the other two. For example, from bands not playing anywhere this summer, Shadows Fall would be best suited to Download, Mayhem to Bloodstock and CapDown to Sonisphere. That is not to say there cannot be an overlap- there must be an overlap, in fact- simply that it gives the ticket-buying punter a much better idea of what they are getting from the outset.
In truth, we actually already have a British metal festival, one representative of Britain's broad metal tastes, and that is Hammerfest. It is probably the only place where DevilDriver and Five Finger Death Punch can comfortably play alongside Akercocke and Dark Funeral, and is genuinely reflective of the metal-buying public's taste for a far less provincial menu than some other countries.
The long and the short of it all is that we have a fantastic selection of festivals, and if one is not to your taste you have others to choose from. So let's all have a few beers and a giggle and watch some bands. I plan to enjoy myself whatever festivals I manage to attend this summer. Make sure you go with the same attitude. Trust me, you'll enjoy it more.
Now I'm off to listen to Keep Of Kalessin's magnificent new album Reptilian and try and persuade Kili and LiveNation to book them for somewhere next summer so I can stand in a field and sing The Dragontower with thousands of other people. I'll try and get them to book Immortal while I'm at it. Any requests?
Until last year, we essentially had two choices for the last decade- Download or Bloodstock. Then last year Stuart Galbraith gave us Sonisphere, and I had a big sex-wee at the prospect of Mastodon, Lamb Of God, Cancer Bats, Machine Head and Metallica all playing on the same day. It was great, I had a fantastic time, got far too hot, drank overpriced beer and generally broke myself for the next week. This year's bookings once again led me into choosing Sonisphere as my festival- if I had the money, I'd go to all three, but as I don't, Knebworth is the place. While all three bills have had their fair share of fucktarded moaners- the smeg-for-brains who cited Cannibal Corpse as evidence that Bloodstock has sold-out, on the basis that the Corpse are a "mainstream" death metal band, was particularly moronic- there does actually appear to be something of a pattern to the three festival bills that I don't think has been touched upon yet. Essentially- Download is the American festival, Bloodstock the European festival, and Sonisphere the British one. If you will bear with me, I'll explain.
Take a second to look at the Download bill. Go on, do it now. Have you seen it? Good. Welcome back. There is an almost overwhelming American presence on the bill. Sure, there are a few other points of origin for the bands, AC/DC, Motorhead and Billy Idol perhaps being the most obvious. But the length of the list of US acts is far longer- including an all-American mainstage on Saturday- stretching right down past Job For A Cowboy headlining the Friday of the third stage. Even those acts not from the other side of the Herring Pond either have considerable success there- such as Bullet For My Valentine, who America has taken to like a teenage boy to an internet connection without parental restrictions- or at the very least you would imagine the US market would hold some potential for. There are a few exceptions, but not until you get down to the level of Die Apokalyptischen Reiter (and yes, of course I had to check the correct spelling of their name). Download is a festival full of either American bands, bands who do well or you suspect may do well in the States and bands either so small or so big it doesn't matter. This is not a criticism- I think the Download bill is great and has a broad range of bands, and it feels like a bill ideal for getting pissed and having a laugh in the sun- it is merely an observation on the character of the festival.
This is hardly a new pattern though. Download may have had some of the biggest names in rock grace Donington Park since the current incarnation came into being seven years ago, but the bill has never simply been a question of "who's big?" (although obviously, as a commercial venture that comes into it). If you want demonstration of big bands that do not fit the Download profile, the obvious example is Emperor. When Ihsahn and Samoth came together for one last time, black metal's finest band headlined Wacken. They did not play Download. In fact, I believe I am right in stating that only three black metal bands have ever played Download- Cradle Of Filth, Dimmu Borgir and Satyricon. While some fairly brutal (and not overly popular) death metal bands populate the fringes of the festival, less heavy (and commercially more successful) black metal bands and the kind of ridiculous widdly power metal I love (some of which would possibly be more of a commercial draw as well) does not feature.
Nor should it. They would not fit. While I'd love to see Immortal back in the UK, I wouldn't want it at Donington. Nor would I particularly be interested in Stratovarius at the famous old site, as much as I'd need someone to peel me off the ceiling if they were playing somewhere else. Download has been running long enough to develop it's own style, it's own ambience, and that should not be messed with without very good reason. If the occasional exception is made- Manowar being the most obvious candidate- that is great, but changing the biggest date on the rock calendar should not even be considered. Not only that, it allows bands such as Slipknot- who would be unlikely to headline a festival elsewhere- to bask in the limelight we want them to have. Download is the UK's American rock festival, and that is how it should stay.
Bloodstock, conversely, is the European festival. It is dominated by bands from the continent (Gorgoroth, Sonata Arctica etc) or those that do their best business there, bands that are so big it doesn't matter (Heaven & Hell would have been the obvious example) and young British bands who would either work on both sides of the Atlantic or more this side than the other. While there are American bands- such as Cannibal Corpse and Fear Factory- they are all bands who fit into those styles popular on the continent (death metal, power metal and over-the-top hard rock). Despite -core-suffixed bands still being amongst the more commercially powerful, they are conspicuous by there absence at Catton Hall. You could transfer the Bloodstock bill (albeit with a much larger undercard) to Wacken, Hellfest or Metalcamp in Ljubljana (I didn't actually have to check that spelling, surprisingly) without it looking out of place.
As great as they are- and as much as they are bands I personally like a great deal- Lamb Of God and Trivium would make me uncomfortable at Bloodstock. They would be as out of place as Abbath at a Hadouken show. Far more old-school American bands- from classic bands like Testament to Municipal Waste, both of whom have played before- or more stylistically Eurocentric American bands (such as Iced Earth or Kamelot) would of course be more than welcome. It is not directly about nationality, more about what fits stylistically. If there was a German version of Machine Head, for example, you feel they would be far more appropriate a booking for Download than Bloodstock. That is the nature of the festival, and as a lover of the sometimes-derided Euro metal and of trve kvlt Norwegian black metal (and a lot of the far less kvlt stuff and non-Norwegian outfits too) I like it that way and want to keep it, in the hope that I will someday have the cash to get to three festivals a year.
The thing that strikes me about both bills is that both appear to be looking to other shores with misty eyes. Download seems to look to the West and wishes it had grown up regularly attending CBGB's and Madison Square Gardens rather than the Astoria and Wembley, while Bloodstock looks firmly towards a little village in Schleswig-Holstein (I knew that spelling too, but only because it comes up in a Flashman novel). In defence of both of them, that was because British rock music was at a real low ebb when they began, and having been forced to focus on European and American talent have now ended up with that as their nature. In reality however, in rock terms, Britain is neither America nor Europe. We do like our American hard rock and our metal influenced by Southern groove and East Coast hardcore. We also like Swedish death/doom, Finnish folk metal and Italian goth stuff. We also like uniquely British bands, be they the techy thrash and death bands coming out of the south of England, the UK hardcore scene and- as much as some may deny this- our alt rock and dance music- specifically in the area of drum and bass.
Look at the Sonisphere bill. It is undoubtably the most diverse of the three bills. Any argument would be as stupid and inaccurate as suggesting to Phil Anselmo's face that he is a weedy midget with a strange sexual prediliction for household furniature. The New Wave Of British Heavy Metal sits alongside alternative rock, reggae metal sits with deathcore, thrash neighbours heavy drum and bass and New York harcore is joined by power metal, just to begin with. Bands that would fit onto the bills of Download, Bloodstock, Reading/Leeds or even more mainstream festivals all have high billing at Knebworth. While Download has had more Scandinavian-accented acts in the past, they have never really been as diverse as the simultaneous presence of Katatonia and Sabaton. This more accurately reflects the diverse tastes of the British rock public than either of the other two our world really pays attention to.
Above and beyond Britain's rather unusual position of appreciating both American and European styles far more than America appreciates European metal or vice versa, there are some very British bands on the bill- and I don't even need to talk about Iron Maiden to demonstrate this.
Skindred could not really have come from anywhere else, and this is historical. Britain has had a far stronger influence from the Caribbean than anywhere outside those countries within that description themselves. The large immigration from former British colonies in the West Indies in the 1950s and '60s brought music with it, some of which is crucial to Skindred's sound. That kind of population movement did not happen to the same extent elsewhere, and only in places like South Wales could a band that sound like them arise.
In a different manner, Pendulum- although Australian- were always going to find most success in the UK, their drum 'n' bass basis being at its most popular in the UK. Skunk Anansie and Placebo are quintessentially British bands- that brand of indie-tinted alt rock does massively less well outside of the UK than it does here. Add in the triumphal Bohemia-headlining performance from Gallows- a band who sound like they could not possibly come from anywhere else, and are an act we can be seriously fucking proud of- and you begin to get a pattern. Some phenomenal bands from the US (Fear Factory and a band I've been trying to resist mentioning, but fuck it- SLAYER!!!), Europe (Rammstein, Europe) and some bands that are very British (not only the above, but Sylosis and Black Spiders amongst others) and you have the British festival that best represents the British rock audience.
This may of course be coincidental- the bookers may have simply put together the best bill they could, and this is how it turned out. It would seem sensible, however, for each event to keep an eye on its identity in terms of their bookings. Not only does this make it less likely that they will suddenly have a slump because they have misjudged their audience, but it also means there are a few bands who are always going to be most suited to one of the three more than the other two. For example, from bands not playing anywhere this summer, Shadows Fall would be best suited to Download, Mayhem to Bloodstock and CapDown to Sonisphere. That is not to say there cannot be an overlap- there must be an overlap, in fact- simply that it gives the ticket-buying punter a much better idea of what they are getting from the outset.
In truth, we actually already have a British metal festival, one representative of Britain's broad metal tastes, and that is Hammerfest. It is probably the only place where DevilDriver and Five Finger Death Punch can comfortably play alongside Akercocke and Dark Funeral, and is genuinely reflective of the metal-buying public's taste for a far less provincial menu than some other countries.
The long and the short of it all is that we have a fantastic selection of festivals, and if one is not to your taste you have others to choose from. So let's all have a few beers and a giggle and watch some bands. I plan to enjoy myself whatever festivals I manage to attend this summer. Make sure you go with the same attitude. Trust me, you'll enjoy it more.
Now I'm off to listen to Keep Of Kalessin's magnificent new album Reptilian and try and persuade Kili and LiveNation to book them for somewhere next summer so I can stand in a field and sing The Dragontower with thousands of other people. I'll try and get them to book Immortal while I'm at it. Any requests?
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Reflections On Dio
While heavy metal has proven itself to be alive and well as the 21st century enters it’s second decade, with both veterans like Tom G Warrior and his Triptykon project and Gary Holt’s rejuvenated Exodus releasing belting records along with newcomers like Mutiny Within and Aeternam, the world of rock and metal has lost three rather large names in the space of six months. Jimmy Sullivan, Pete Steele and now Ronnie James Dio have all left us since Christmas, and as ever, human tragedy provokes reflection. Two things have been running through my mind since I heard the terrible news of Dio’s death on Sunday night beyond the obvious sadness at the loss of a legend of the music I love.
I’m sure everyone has now read 150 different accounts of the life and brilliance of Ronnie James, and I have no intention of adding my own- mainly because there are a few too many people I feel will do Dio more justice than myself, and I don’t want to seem like I’m entering a “who can say the most nice things” competition. Dio was a complete fucking legend, and deserves better than third-rate hacks stumbling inarticulately across a keyboard as a tribute. We all want to make it clear how much we all loved and respected Dio for his music, but personally I feel more comfortable leaving his obituaries to those who know what they are doing.
What I do want to draw attention to, as the metal world comes to terms with losing one of its icons, is the human tragedy at the heart of it all. I may have felt like utter shit when I read the statement on Blabbermouth confirming the awful rumours that had been flying around the internet all day, but the first line of that most painful of reads was the most important. In case you haven’t read it, or have forgotten it, Wendy said “my heart is broken”. As bollocks as I felt last night, it’s absolutely nothing compared to what Wendy is going through.
Because we, metal and rock fans as a group, tend to throw ourselves into our music and immerse our whole lives in it, whenever one of the leading lights dies, we feel it personally. Whether it be the immense sadness we all feel and express in our own way over the recent deaths of Dio or Pete Steele or the almost hysterical outpouring of grief displayed in 1994 when Kurt Cobain died, the genuine sense of loss is undeniable. What we must not forget is the immeasurable horror the bereaved are going through. While I may not be a particular fan of Avenged Sevenfold, I was truly saddened to hear of Jimmy Sullivan’s death just before the turn of the year- not because of any personal attachment I felt to the man known as The Rev, but because of what his friends and family- and of course, the band themselves, some of whom had known him since childhood- must be going through.
We tend to feel that our heroes somehow belong to us, and in a way they do. I don’t want anyone to think for one second I am somehow criticising or cheapening the emotions many of us are feeling- I’d be a massive fucking hypocrite if I were doing so, as I was practically speechless when I heard the news last night. I tried listening to Holy Diver but found it rather hard, and switched to The Devil You Know, the last record to bear that wonderful voice, as it did not have the same kind of deep, long-standing bond. I was cut-up myself. I would just like everyone to spare a thought for those nearest and dearest to Dio, and to Pete Steele, Jimmy Sullivan, Mike Alexander and anyone else from our world that has died in recent months.
The one thing that has genuinely pissed me off about some of the reactions I have read is the sight of a few total fucktarded wank-stains wishing it had been Ozzy Osbourne rather than Dio. You utter cunts. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, not even people I genuinely hate. I wish Dio was still alive, I wish he’d never even got cancer and that Heaven & Hell were still going to headline Bloodstock and blow the crowd away like we all know Messrs Dio, Iommi, Butler and Appice would have done had this tragedy not taken place. I would not wish anyone else to suffer this fate in Dio’s place. The suggestion that one of the men responsible for the birth of heavy metal would a better candidate for an untimely death to a vile disease is repugnant. If you’ve even thought that, would you kindly fuck off and not speak… ever. If you can’t say anything that isn’t utterly twattish, don’t say anything at all. I wanted Dio to outlive me, but I don’t want anyone else’s family to be going through what the family of the little fella with the big voice is currently suffering. If you do, be ashamed. If you wish that on the family of the man who sang ‘War Pigs’ and ‘Mr. Crowley’, doubly so.
It was on listening to some of Dio’s finest moments, played by one metal DJ who extended his normal radio show for as long as people wanted to hear Dio songs (Sabbath, Rainbow, Elf, Dio, Heaven & Hell or anything else people could think of), that I reflected on what a stunning voice Dio had, and what a fine musician he was. The variety of the material that DJ had to play- by the way, you know who you are, and you have my immense respect for what you did on Sunday night- and the sheer length of time for which Dio was completely fucking fantastic reminded me how important it is to recognise and appreciate the great talents of our world while we can.
Without doubt, Ronnie James Dio was one of the greatest and most influential vocalists we’ve ever had in metal. As an unashamed fan of power metal, men like Dio are hugely important to the genesis of some of my favourite bands. Without people like Dio, Rob Halford and Bruce Dickenson, we probably would not have Michael Kiske on Keeper Of The Seven Keys, Timo Kotipelto on Visions or Russell Allen on Paradise Lost. Dio had already knocked metal on it’s arse with Heaven And Hell and Holy Diver before any of those records came out, and did it once again after they were all released with The Devil You Know- he may have been hugely important, but wasn’t content with being a heritage musician and, at the age of 67, delivered one of his finest performances in a fifty-plus year career.
With that level of achievement, it is right we hold him in the highest regard. But we must never let our respect and love for what has come before stop us from appreciating what is being done right fucking now, or it might suddenly be gone and we will be left kicking ourselves. It might be easy to think that the younger bands currently at the forefront of their generations musical output have decades left in them. History has shown this is not something to take for granted. In 1986 Metallica has just released Master Of Puppets and seemed only capable of getting better. In 2003, Darrel Abbott was one of the kings of shred and we all thought we would have many more opportunities to see him prove it, both live and on record. When I was forced to miss the Saturday of last year’s Sonisphere, I consoled myself with the thought that there would be more opportunities to see Anthrax with John Bush and Heaven & Hell. Yet Cliff Burton, Dimebag and Ronnie James Dio were all dead within a year of those thoughts, and Joey Belladonna is now back in Anthrax while John Bush must now focus on Armored Saint.
We need to treasure the bands we have now who are doing great things. Who knows how much longer Slipknot will keep going, or when age will creep up on Slayer and force them into retirement from touring. Viatrophy seemed like a band capable of being one of the finest to come out of the UK in a long time, yet their permanent demise is imminent. If, in ten years time, Lamb Of God have jacked it all in and become, in hindsight, one of the highest rated bands of all time, those pillocks who write them off as a Pantera rip-off will be feeling monumentally tit-like at not having subscribed to the “carpe diem” philosophy.
The death of Dio should serve as a reminder to all of us that, while it is absolutely right that we recognise the greats that got us to this point, we have to appreciate what we have, while we have it.
None of us can predict the future- so make sure you take advantage of what the present has to offer.
I’m sure everyone has now read 150 different accounts of the life and brilliance of Ronnie James, and I have no intention of adding my own- mainly because there are a few too many people I feel will do Dio more justice than myself, and I don’t want to seem like I’m entering a “who can say the most nice things” competition. Dio was a complete fucking legend, and deserves better than third-rate hacks stumbling inarticulately across a keyboard as a tribute. We all want to make it clear how much we all loved and respected Dio for his music, but personally I feel more comfortable leaving his obituaries to those who know what they are doing.
What I do want to draw attention to, as the metal world comes to terms with losing one of its icons, is the human tragedy at the heart of it all. I may have felt like utter shit when I read the statement on Blabbermouth confirming the awful rumours that had been flying around the internet all day, but the first line of that most painful of reads was the most important. In case you haven’t read it, or have forgotten it, Wendy said “my heart is broken”. As bollocks as I felt last night, it’s absolutely nothing compared to what Wendy is going through.
Because we, metal and rock fans as a group, tend to throw ourselves into our music and immerse our whole lives in it, whenever one of the leading lights dies, we feel it personally. Whether it be the immense sadness we all feel and express in our own way over the recent deaths of Dio or Pete Steele or the almost hysterical outpouring of grief displayed in 1994 when Kurt Cobain died, the genuine sense of loss is undeniable. What we must not forget is the immeasurable horror the bereaved are going through. While I may not be a particular fan of Avenged Sevenfold, I was truly saddened to hear of Jimmy Sullivan’s death just before the turn of the year- not because of any personal attachment I felt to the man known as The Rev, but because of what his friends and family- and of course, the band themselves, some of whom had known him since childhood- must be going through.
We tend to feel that our heroes somehow belong to us, and in a way they do. I don’t want anyone to think for one second I am somehow criticising or cheapening the emotions many of us are feeling- I’d be a massive fucking hypocrite if I were doing so, as I was practically speechless when I heard the news last night. I tried listening to Holy Diver but found it rather hard, and switched to The Devil You Know, the last record to bear that wonderful voice, as it did not have the same kind of deep, long-standing bond. I was cut-up myself. I would just like everyone to spare a thought for those nearest and dearest to Dio, and to Pete Steele, Jimmy Sullivan, Mike Alexander and anyone else from our world that has died in recent months.
The one thing that has genuinely pissed me off about some of the reactions I have read is the sight of a few total fucktarded wank-stains wishing it had been Ozzy Osbourne rather than Dio. You utter cunts. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, not even people I genuinely hate. I wish Dio was still alive, I wish he’d never even got cancer and that Heaven & Hell were still going to headline Bloodstock and blow the crowd away like we all know Messrs Dio, Iommi, Butler and Appice would have done had this tragedy not taken place. I would not wish anyone else to suffer this fate in Dio’s place. The suggestion that one of the men responsible for the birth of heavy metal would a better candidate for an untimely death to a vile disease is repugnant. If you’ve even thought that, would you kindly fuck off and not speak… ever. If you can’t say anything that isn’t utterly twattish, don’t say anything at all. I wanted Dio to outlive me, but I don’t want anyone else’s family to be going through what the family of the little fella with the big voice is currently suffering. If you do, be ashamed. If you wish that on the family of the man who sang ‘War Pigs’ and ‘Mr. Crowley’, doubly so.
It was on listening to some of Dio’s finest moments, played by one metal DJ who extended his normal radio show for as long as people wanted to hear Dio songs (Sabbath, Rainbow, Elf, Dio, Heaven & Hell or anything else people could think of), that I reflected on what a stunning voice Dio had, and what a fine musician he was. The variety of the material that DJ had to play- by the way, you know who you are, and you have my immense respect for what you did on Sunday night- and the sheer length of time for which Dio was completely fucking fantastic reminded me how important it is to recognise and appreciate the great talents of our world while we can.
Without doubt, Ronnie James Dio was one of the greatest and most influential vocalists we’ve ever had in metal. As an unashamed fan of power metal, men like Dio are hugely important to the genesis of some of my favourite bands. Without people like Dio, Rob Halford and Bruce Dickenson, we probably would not have Michael Kiske on Keeper Of The Seven Keys, Timo Kotipelto on Visions or Russell Allen on Paradise Lost. Dio had already knocked metal on it’s arse with Heaven And Hell and Holy Diver before any of those records came out, and did it once again after they were all released with The Devil You Know- he may have been hugely important, but wasn’t content with being a heritage musician and, at the age of 67, delivered one of his finest performances in a fifty-plus year career.
With that level of achievement, it is right we hold him in the highest regard. But we must never let our respect and love for what has come before stop us from appreciating what is being done right fucking now, or it might suddenly be gone and we will be left kicking ourselves. It might be easy to think that the younger bands currently at the forefront of their generations musical output have decades left in them. History has shown this is not something to take for granted. In 1986 Metallica has just released Master Of Puppets and seemed only capable of getting better. In 2003, Darrel Abbott was one of the kings of shred and we all thought we would have many more opportunities to see him prove it, both live and on record. When I was forced to miss the Saturday of last year’s Sonisphere, I consoled myself with the thought that there would be more opportunities to see Anthrax with John Bush and Heaven & Hell. Yet Cliff Burton, Dimebag and Ronnie James Dio were all dead within a year of those thoughts, and Joey Belladonna is now back in Anthrax while John Bush must now focus on Armored Saint.
We need to treasure the bands we have now who are doing great things. Who knows how much longer Slipknot will keep going, or when age will creep up on Slayer and force them into retirement from touring. Viatrophy seemed like a band capable of being one of the finest to come out of the UK in a long time, yet their permanent demise is imminent. If, in ten years time, Lamb Of God have jacked it all in and become, in hindsight, one of the highest rated bands of all time, those pillocks who write them off as a Pantera rip-off will be feeling monumentally tit-like at not having subscribed to the “carpe diem” philosophy.
The death of Dio should serve as a reminder to all of us that, while it is absolutely right that we recognise the greats that got us to this point, we have to appreciate what we have, while we have it.
None of us can predict the future- so make sure you take advantage of what the present has to offer.
Sunday, 2 May 2010
Nirvana bashing- why it became fashionable, and why it must stop
At what point did it become acceptable- fuck that, it's even worse- at what point did it become the norm to slag off one of the most seminal rock bands of all time, a band that are a significant part of the adolescence of a generation? I can't hear the name Nirvana amongst rock fans without someone laying into them. "Overrated" appears to be the word that most people agree on, with "dated" not far behind. If for one second I actually thought those were the real reasons, I would drop it. I don't- usually because it comes from people who are big fans of overrated and dated stuff, and I should know, I'm a big fan of overrated, dated old shit myself. No, the reason is simple- Nirvana became mainstream and critically acclaimed by the same people who shop in H&M and listen to Elbow, and we can't abide any band that does that.
Nirvana were the outlet of every fucked-up teenager unaware of Slayer between 1991 and Green Day releasing Dookie, and many more for years after that. If you don't believe me, check the sales figures and the size of the shows they played before the unfortunate coming together of mouth and shotgun barrel. The helpless angst that permeates Nevermind and the manic, distorted confusion of In Utero speaks to every kid who can't quite work people out and feels misunderstood, who can't get girls to like him, who's having a shitty time at school and a shitty time at home and generally finds that life is suddenly a lot less simple and less fun than than it used to be. The problem is that most of those kids learned to function in society, got married and now have 2.4 children and a mortgage on a nice three bedroom semi in the suburbs while generally feeling quite content with life. But the man who was once that kid still likes to recapture his youth and feel dangerous now and then, and the band it is acceptable to listen to is Nirvana- no one thinks you're weird or immature for liking it, even if the truth is that you are. It's become a staple of 30-somethings talking about their yoof and about influential music on BBC2.
Now, as fans of music that would scare the living shit out of 30-somethings on BBC2 who live in a nice house in Tufnell Park, the moment we see them liking a band, something in us recoils slightly. When our mates who listen to Coldplay say they liked Nirvana, our instinct is to decry it as tame shit and talk about how Faith No More and Pantera were really far more influential from that period. While that is true- and both are, all things considered, better bands- Nevermind and In Utero are two absolutely belting records (I'll forgive them Bleach, which is dull). It's not the fault of the music if Kerrang!, NME and various ignorant arseholes on Channel 4 countdowns talk about them like they are the best and most influential band since Robert Johnson met a bloke with horns and a forked tail on a crossroads in Georgia. Just because people have hyped Nirvana beyond the point at which any music can satisfy does not mean those aren't two genuinely great albums.
If you want to talk about bands that are overrated and/or dated, here's a couple for you:
The Sex Pistols- one album, it's great but sounds dated by the standards of punk since, and they were a joke band, really. Heralded as the biggest and most important punk band ever- they're not. They're still great though, and I love Never Mind The Bollocks
The Beatles- hailed as the greatest musicians of all time, half of their songs are essentially the same track (the ones by Paul, mainly) and they were only around, what, seven years? Greatest musicians of all time? Oh please fuck off. They are still a great band though, and there's something wrong with you if you don't like 'Hard Day's Night' or 'I Saw Her Standing There'
If we're talking about individual records, let's look at one more example:
British Steel- frequently cited as one of the finest metal albums of them all, it sounds very much of its time and was so hyped by the time I actually heard it, I was half expecting the music to come out of the speaker and perform an act upon my person. Unsurprisingly, my expectations weren't met. Yet it's an astounding record, and any metal fan that doesn't own it should slap themselves- hard.
In all of those examples, the hype is too much and wankers talk about them too often to try and sound knowledgeable and credible. Nevermind and Nirvana cannot live up to the hype. With the possible exception of Metallica between 1984 and 1986, I can't think of anything I've ever heard that could live up to the hype given The Beatles, The Sex Pistols or Nirvana. Through a combination of the twaddle spouted by pillocks who appear on TV in River Island jumpers while on leather couches in faux-seedy club lighting and the fact that people who listen to music we despise now propose Nirvana as one of the all time greats, those of us who love the more extreme end of the rock spectrum have rejected them.
To make sure my memories weren't rose-tinted by nostalgia, I pulled out In Utero and Nevermind and gave them a concerted listen. They are as great as I remember. Smells Like Teen Spirit still makes me want to trash the place. Lounge Act still makes me want to get laid as soon as possible. I still feel like I'm isolated and misunderstood during Heart Shaped Box (I'm 26 for fuck's sake! I should be way too old for music to make me feel like that!), and All Apologies is still the most bittersweet post-orgasmic euphoria on record.
My point is this- just because dickheads who listen to bollocks music (or at least, music we don't like) talk about a band- any band- doesn't mean they stop being good. Just because some twonk makes a band sound far better than it is possible to be does not lessen how good they are.
Are Nirvana the best or most influential band of all time? Of course not! They're not even the best or most influential band of the 90s (FNM, Pantera and Green Day are far more important, to name just three). Were Nirvana a fucking great band for two records, and are they hugely important in the personal musical development (as pretentious as that sounds) of millions of people? Fuck yes! And it's about time we reclaimed them from those pillocks. They're ours, cardigan-brigade, you can't have them. You're not allowed to talk about them anymore- not unless you can say the name of Kerry King's band correctly.
It's also time our end of the spectrum stopped slagging them off. No one points out that Anthrax are comfortably the least of the Big Four. Why? Because we all love Anthrax, even if we love Slayer, Megadeth and Metallica more (and quite a few of us love Exodus and Testament more as well), and because rentaquotes don't spout arsewater about them on primetime mainstream telly. When asked about Anthrax, no one says "yeah, they've had some good stuff, but Megadeth are better", we say "Anthrax are a fucking great band! Scott Ian's a total legend!", which is how it should be. So can we all stop describing Nirvana as "overrated" and "dated" and focus on the fact they are a great band rather than pointing out (however correctly) that Alice In Chains are better?
And having spoken about something genuinely NOT metal for a while, I'm off to listen to Gorgoroth's rather brilliant Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam. Probably followed by Rhapsody Of Fire's latest great The Frozen Tears Of Angels. Because I'm apparently not metal either.
Nirvana were the outlet of every fucked-up teenager unaware of Slayer between 1991 and Green Day releasing Dookie, and many more for years after that. If you don't believe me, check the sales figures and the size of the shows they played before the unfortunate coming together of mouth and shotgun barrel. The helpless angst that permeates Nevermind and the manic, distorted confusion of In Utero speaks to every kid who can't quite work people out and feels misunderstood, who can't get girls to like him, who's having a shitty time at school and a shitty time at home and generally finds that life is suddenly a lot less simple and less fun than than it used to be. The problem is that most of those kids learned to function in society, got married and now have 2.4 children and a mortgage on a nice three bedroom semi in the suburbs while generally feeling quite content with life. But the man who was once that kid still likes to recapture his youth and feel dangerous now and then, and the band it is acceptable to listen to is Nirvana- no one thinks you're weird or immature for liking it, even if the truth is that you are. It's become a staple of 30-somethings talking about their yoof and about influential music on BBC2.
Now, as fans of music that would scare the living shit out of 30-somethings on BBC2 who live in a nice house in Tufnell Park, the moment we see them liking a band, something in us recoils slightly. When our mates who listen to Coldplay say they liked Nirvana, our instinct is to decry it as tame shit and talk about how Faith No More and Pantera were really far more influential from that period. While that is true- and both are, all things considered, better bands- Nevermind and In Utero are two absolutely belting records (I'll forgive them Bleach, which is dull). It's not the fault of the music if Kerrang!, NME and various ignorant arseholes on Channel 4 countdowns talk about them like they are the best and most influential band since Robert Johnson met a bloke with horns and a forked tail on a crossroads in Georgia. Just because people have hyped Nirvana beyond the point at which any music can satisfy does not mean those aren't two genuinely great albums.
If you want to talk about bands that are overrated and/or dated, here's a couple for you:
The Sex Pistols- one album, it's great but sounds dated by the standards of punk since, and they were a joke band, really. Heralded as the biggest and most important punk band ever- they're not. They're still great though, and I love Never Mind The Bollocks
The Beatles- hailed as the greatest musicians of all time, half of their songs are essentially the same track (the ones by Paul, mainly) and they were only around, what, seven years? Greatest musicians of all time? Oh please fuck off. They are still a great band though, and there's something wrong with you if you don't like 'Hard Day's Night' or 'I Saw Her Standing There'
If we're talking about individual records, let's look at one more example:
British Steel- frequently cited as one of the finest metal albums of them all, it sounds very much of its time and was so hyped by the time I actually heard it, I was half expecting the music to come out of the speaker and perform an act upon my person. Unsurprisingly, my expectations weren't met. Yet it's an astounding record, and any metal fan that doesn't own it should slap themselves- hard.
In all of those examples, the hype is too much and wankers talk about them too often to try and sound knowledgeable and credible. Nevermind and Nirvana cannot live up to the hype. With the possible exception of Metallica between 1984 and 1986, I can't think of anything I've ever heard that could live up to the hype given The Beatles, The Sex Pistols or Nirvana. Through a combination of the twaddle spouted by pillocks who appear on TV in River Island jumpers while on leather couches in faux-seedy club lighting and the fact that people who listen to music we despise now propose Nirvana as one of the all time greats, those of us who love the more extreme end of the rock spectrum have rejected them.
To make sure my memories weren't rose-tinted by nostalgia, I pulled out In Utero and Nevermind and gave them a concerted listen. They are as great as I remember. Smells Like Teen Spirit still makes me want to trash the place. Lounge Act still makes me want to get laid as soon as possible. I still feel like I'm isolated and misunderstood during Heart Shaped Box (I'm 26 for fuck's sake! I should be way too old for music to make me feel like that!), and All Apologies is still the most bittersweet post-orgasmic euphoria on record.
My point is this- just because dickheads who listen to bollocks music (or at least, music we don't like) talk about a band- any band- doesn't mean they stop being good. Just because some twonk makes a band sound far better than it is possible to be does not lessen how good they are.
Are Nirvana the best or most influential band of all time? Of course not! They're not even the best or most influential band of the 90s (FNM, Pantera and Green Day are far more important, to name just three). Were Nirvana a fucking great band for two records, and are they hugely important in the personal musical development (as pretentious as that sounds) of millions of people? Fuck yes! And it's about time we reclaimed them from those pillocks. They're ours, cardigan-brigade, you can't have them. You're not allowed to talk about them anymore- not unless you can say the name of Kerry King's band correctly.
It's also time our end of the spectrum stopped slagging them off. No one points out that Anthrax are comfortably the least of the Big Four. Why? Because we all love Anthrax, even if we love Slayer, Megadeth and Metallica more (and quite a few of us love Exodus and Testament more as well), and because rentaquotes don't spout arsewater about them on primetime mainstream telly. When asked about Anthrax, no one says "yeah, they've had some good stuff, but Megadeth are better", we say "Anthrax are a fucking great band! Scott Ian's a total legend!", which is how it should be. So can we all stop describing Nirvana as "overrated" and "dated" and focus on the fact they are a great band rather than pointing out (however correctly) that Alice In Chains are better?
And having spoken about something genuinely NOT metal for a while, I'm off to listen to Gorgoroth's rather brilliant Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam. Probably followed by Rhapsody Of Fire's latest great The Frozen Tears Of Angels. Because I'm apparently not metal either.
Friday, 30 April 2010
Bullet For My Valentine having a number one album would be great... even though I won't be buying it
It's been a while since I wrote anything, largely because I haven't had much to say, and I'm firmly of the opinion that if you don't have anything meaningful to contribute, you should keep your trap shut. But something has come up this week which I feel is worth talking about- the release of Fever, the new album from Bridgend's biggest export Bullet For My Valentine.
I genuinely want Fever to become a number one album. I want it to sell many copies and for kids everywhere to discover Bullet and get into them in a big way. Clear? Right, now the morons who write them off as "not metal" have fucked off in a fit of apoplexy and are constructing voodoo dolls of me (complete with Kamelot t-shirt) to extract retribution on my failings as a metal fan (I'm quite sure none of whom have even heard of Viatrophy, let alone tried to support them or other new British practitioners of the exxxxxtreme metal they claim is the only valid form of music) let me explain why.
Contrary to what you may think, I wasn't born into a Slayer babygrow, placed in a Possessed crib and raised on a steady diet of Kreator and Death. As much as many of us try and sound credible by claiming we've always listened to extreme music, it's utter bollocks. Very few (if any) of our parents liked metal (Joan Baez and Berlioz were more my folks' scene), it wasn't on the TV shows we watched when we were very young and it is hardly the sort of thing taught to kids as essential listening material. You have to discover it. While some doubtlessly come across genuine metal directly at a very young age, many more slide into it gradually, and pretty much all of us can remember who our first metal band was. Mine was Fear Factory (weird, I know, and a story for another time) but there is more to it than that.
I have a vague memory of being played Pantera and Metallica in my first year in secondary school and writing it off as noisy old shit (give me a break, I was 11). You'd probably expect me to be a tad ashamed of that fact, but the reality was I had heard nothing heavier at that time than Oasis and Blur (who were the first bands I bought records by) and given the steady diet of 60s folk pop and classical music I was weaned on, at the time it felt aggressive, dangerous and rebellious. The jump from Parklife to Creeping Death is more than I could cope with, and I suspect that is not something unique to me.
Over the next few years I drifted through some alternative rock (Placebo and Garbage were big bands to me) before hearing- and going frankly apeshit for- Nirvana and Green Day. If you haven't noticed, everything I've listened to genuinely is NOT metal- but it IS heavy music, albeit at the softer end. After a few more punk bands (Rancid and Bad Religion in particular) I finally heard Fear Factory, fell in love with them and began to explore the fiendish, frightening subterranean realm of heavy metal. And this is the crux of my point.
Everyone has to take a first step into heavy music, and the right amount of heaviness is needed at the right time. If I had heard Fear Factory without going through alt rock and pop punk it would have been too much. But having heard that, it was exactly heavy enough to grab me, in a way I suspect Iron Maiden wouldn't- it wasn't the right time for me to hear them. I wanted crushing and furious, not tuneful and melodic. And this is the exact thing Bullet can do- they can be the right band at the right time for a legion of teenagers for whom Trivium would be too much and Fall Out Boy not enough. Bullet For My Valentine can introduce the next generation to metal- and let us not forget that we, as fans, are dependent on that generation for future music. Fever reaching number one in the album charts will get the exposure metal needs if it is to snare the next generations of Steve Harrises, and I would be genuinely delighted if that happened- a giant leap for metalkind would have been taken in the direction of the future.
I'm not saying I like Bullet For My Valentine- I don't despise them, but their riffs bore the arse off me, and my tastes are so dependent on instrumental parts that they've largely had it from then on as far as I'm concerned. I have listened to Fever, and while it's easily the best thing they've done, it's not for me. I will not be berating those who buy it and love it (although I will be laughing at their wrongness if they make it their album of the year, just as they will laugh at my wrongness whoever I put there). It does highlight a point I've made before, however.
Most "way in" bands are those like Maiden, Metallica and Pantera, and although it is grossly unfair to compare anyone to those bands, the fact that they are all-time greats is inescapable, as is the fact that Bullet are not even close. The inconvenient truth is that the most accessible end of the metal market is arguably the weakest, both in Britain and abroad. While the rock and punk genres have some genuine classics coming out at that end of the heaviness scale, our best records are either much heavier (Machine Head & Lamb Of God, for example), much more niche (any power metal), extremely difficult to get into (eg Mastodon or Dream Theater) or a combination of the above (Opeth). We are crying out for a band capable of being accessible- both in terms of heaviness and complexity- and highest quality. I've said that Five Finger Death Punch might be one of the biggest bands of the next decade, but I suspect even they are a tad abrasive for someone used to Razorlight.
The reality is that Bullet For My Valentine are the best band who sit in the demilitarised zone (where blast beats are banned) between the mainstream and our world. And whether you like it or not, aesthetics are always going to play a part, and the band have that going for them. Girls are going to fancy Matt and boys are going to think he's cool and want to be him (as long as they don't see the golf jumper video) just as I did when I first saw James Hetfield in my early days as a metal fan. I still have hopes for Black Tide to deliver a record of sufficient quality while still having mainstream appeal, but until they do, we need Bullet- like it or not.
I'll tell you one thing- you've got to whisper it though. If you say it too loud the trolls will ruin it for us. You think those boys are our only hope? No. There is another...
Mutiny Within...
I genuinely want Fever to become a number one album. I want it to sell many copies and for kids everywhere to discover Bullet and get into them in a big way. Clear? Right, now the morons who write them off as "not metal" have fucked off in a fit of apoplexy and are constructing voodoo dolls of me (complete with Kamelot t-shirt) to extract retribution on my failings as a metal fan (I'm quite sure none of whom have even heard of Viatrophy, let alone tried to support them or other new British practitioners of the exxxxxtreme metal they claim is the only valid form of music) let me explain why.
Contrary to what you may think, I wasn't born into a Slayer babygrow, placed in a Possessed crib and raised on a steady diet of Kreator and Death. As much as many of us try and sound credible by claiming we've always listened to extreme music, it's utter bollocks. Very few (if any) of our parents liked metal (Joan Baez and Berlioz were more my folks' scene), it wasn't on the TV shows we watched when we were very young and it is hardly the sort of thing taught to kids as essential listening material. You have to discover it. While some doubtlessly come across genuine metal directly at a very young age, many more slide into it gradually, and pretty much all of us can remember who our first metal band was. Mine was Fear Factory (weird, I know, and a story for another time) but there is more to it than that.
I have a vague memory of being played Pantera and Metallica in my first year in secondary school and writing it off as noisy old shit (give me a break, I was 11). You'd probably expect me to be a tad ashamed of that fact, but the reality was I had heard nothing heavier at that time than Oasis and Blur (who were the first bands I bought records by) and given the steady diet of 60s folk pop and classical music I was weaned on, at the time it felt aggressive, dangerous and rebellious. The jump from Parklife to Creeping Death is more than I could cope with, and I suspect that is not something unique to me.
Over the next few years I drifted through some alternative rock (Placebo and Garbage were big bands to me) before hearing- and going frankly apeshit for- Nirvana and Green Day. If you haven't noticed, everything I've listened to genuinely is NOT metal- but it IS heavy music, albeit at the softer end. After a few more punk bands (Rancid and Bad Religion in particular) I finally heard Fear Factory, fell in love with them and began to explore the fiendish, frightening subterranean realm of heavy metal. And this is the crux of my point.
Everyone has to take a first step into heavy music, and the right amount of heaviness is needed at the right time. If I had heard Fear Factory without going through alt rock and pop punk it would have been too much. But having heard that, it was exactly heavy enough to grab me, in a way I suspect Iron Maiden wouldn't- it wasn't the right time for me to hear them. I wanted crushing and furious, not tuneful and melodic. And this is the exact thing Bullet can do- they can be the right band at the right time for a legion of teenagers for whom Trivium would be too much and Fall Out Boy not enough. Bullet For My Valentine can introduce the next generation to metal- and let us not forget that we, as fans, are dependent on that generation for future music. Fever reaching number one in the album charts will get the exposure metal needs if it is to snare the next generations of Steve Harrises, and I would be genuinely delighted if that happened- a giant leap for metalkind would have been taken in the direction of the future.
I'm not saying I like Bullet For My Valentine- I don't despise them, but their riffs bore the arse off me, and my tastes are so dependent on instrumental parts that they've largely had it from then on as far as I'm concerned. I have listened to Fever, and while it's easily the best thing they've done, it's not for me. I will not be berating those who buy it and love it (although I will be laughing at their wrongness if they make it their album of the year, just as they will laugh at my wrongness whoever I put there). It does highlight a point I've made before, however.
Most "way in" bands are those like Maiden, Metallica and Pantera, and although it is grossly unfair to compare anyone to those bands, the fact that they are all-time greats is inescapable, as is the fact that Bullet are not even close. The inconvenient truth is that the most accessible end of the metal market is arguably the weakest, both in Britain and abroad. While the rock and punk genres have some genuine classics coming out at that end of the heaviness scale, our best records are either much heavier (Machine Head & Lamb Of God, for example), much more niche (any power metal), extremely difficult to get into (eg Mastodon or Dream Theater) or a combination of the above (Opeth). We are crying out for a band capable of being accessible- both in terms of heaviness and complexity- and highest quality. I've said that Five Finger Death Punch might be one of the biggest bands of the next decade, but I suspect even they are a tad abrasive for someone used to Razorlight.
The reality is that Bullet For My Valentine are the best band who sit in the demilitarised zone (where blast beats are banned) between the mainstream and our world. And whether you like it or not, aesthetics are always going to play a part, and the band have that going for them. Girls are going to fancy Matt and boys are going to think he's cool and want to be him (as long as they don't see the golf jumper video) just as I did when I first saw James Hetfield in my early days as a metal fan. I still have hopes for Black Tide to deliver a record of sufficient quality while still having mainstream appeal, but until they do, we need Bullet- like it or not.
I'll tell you one thing- you've got to whisper it though. If you say it too loud the trolls will ruin it for us. You think those boys are our only hope? No. There is another...
Mutiny Within...
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Why it's good to have lots of "not metal" styles
I will readily admit that some of my tastes are slightly strange. Anyone who saw my top 20 albums of last year will have noticed that French symphonic power metal band Fairyland sat between Norwegian black metallers Immortal and Polish extremists Behemoth. Swedish black metallers Marduk were neighboured by New England metalcore pioneers Shadows Fall. Stylistic differences abound. The camp optimism and generally up-beat vibe of power metal should not sit well next to the brutality of Anaal Nathrakh's wall of noise, I hear you say. But nay! (power metal moment!), thou art most wrong!
When it gets right down to it, the thing that is universally true about all the music I like is its ability to communicate genuine emotion. When I listen to Rhapsody Of Fire, pretty much my favourite ridiculous symphonic power metal band, the strength and intensity of the music makes me genuinely believe the optimism the music exudes. Similarly, how could you not believe the authenticity of Paul Baloff on Bonded By Blood or Ihsahn on Anthems To The Welkin At Dusk?
My problem is that there is very little outside of the world of hard rock and metal that does much for me until we reach the realm of classical music (please note the small "c"- Classical refers to a style of classical music most famously exhibited by Mozart and Haydn, but more on why I'm being pedantic later). This is admittedly limiting. I've really tried, but without the riffs and powerful bass section as a foundation, my attention wanders very quickly. The conundrum is that however amazing Slayer are, there are going to be times when I'm simply in the wrong mood for them. And this is where the import of variety becomes paramount.
To demonstrate, a few "facts":
Fact 1- hardcore punk is better at being out-and-out pissed off than any metal
Fact 2- you cannot have a genuinely uplifting black metal song
Fact 3- there is a limit to the number of thrash riffs than can be written without down-tuning the guitar so far only dogs can hear it
These facts may seem unrelated- and indeed they are. They all illustrate my point, however.
Explanation of Fact 1:
There are times when I am seriously pissed off. So pissed off that Darkthrone are too bleak, Iron Maiden too uplifting and Entombed too distorted. I want something fast, simple and fucking pissed fucking off. Let us turn in our hymnals to the collected works of Unearth (they're not metal, doncha know!). In particular, their rather splendid third album III: In The Eyes Of Fire. Fast, pissed off metalcore. It's still riffy, it's still metal, but it has a seriously narked edge that hardcore does far better than metal. Not metal? I don't care. It fits my mood when the occasion arises.
Explanation of Fact 2:
There are times when I am in a very, very good mood. So good that not even the terrific fun of Municipal Waste is quite happy enough for me. And that cheesy pop crap stirs me about as much as chocolate stirs cement. Turn again, if you will, to Rhapsody's masterpiece Dawn Of Victory. Yes, I know it's (more than) a touch ludicrous. But I challenge any vaguely emotionally motile person not to have a smile on your face by the end of the title track.
Explanation of Fact 3:
Eventually, stylistic blind alleys arise. Let's face it, the thrash revival is fun, but it's a genre that hasn't delivered a classic album since 1990. Lots of great stuff, but not since Rust In Peace and Seasons In The Abyss has an all-time classic come along. Or have they? I hear the name of Pantera being shouted at computer screens globally (or more likely in about three places in England). And Pantera illustrate my point perfectly- they took a dying genre, did something radically different with it and became the biggest and best heavy metal band of their generation. In a similar vein, Helloween were stunning, but there's a limit to how long that style of riffing remains interesting. That is why the symphonic elements came into power metal.
My point, which I am taking a long time to arise at, is that heavy metal has survived and remained great because of the diversification. New ideas breath life on dying embers and grow a flame bigger than ever before. The variety means there is a heavy metal record of sufficient quality for every emotion and mood, every pace and complexity. At least, very nearly...
And this is why I referred to maestri Mozart and Haydn. Because metal simply cannot do everything. As much as Opeth's Coil moves me to the verge of tears, it is a haunting beauty. Metal does beauty less well than other music forms, and can do it in fewer ways. Now and again, I need a little beauty in my life. There will never be a heavy metal song as beautiful as the slow movement of Mozart's Wind Serenade No. 10 in B flat. There will never be a metal song as subtly and softly disturbing as the closing minute or so of the first movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. And (sorry Opeth) there will never be a metal song as hauntingly, tragically beautiful as 'Un Bel di Vedremo' from Puccini's Madam Butterfly.
Which is why cries of "that's not metal" are so moronic. Metal can never, and will never be able to do everything, whatever its diversity. And to suggest that the diversification of the music we, as metalheads, hold so dear to our hearts is betraying the genre, and that metal can survive on Slayer, Black Sabbath and Death alone is simply daft. If music stagnates, it dies. I welcome people trying new things. It may not always work, but credit for trying. And when it does work, brilliant! A whole new type of heavy metal to listen to? That's exactly what I want! That was what made me move on from Metallica and Fear Factory and seek out Immortal, Sepultura and Sodom in the first place. It is what has kept heavy metal from dying when it has been at its lowest ebbs.
If you refer to something using the phrase "that's not metal", far from Defending The Faith, you are one of those who risks killing it. Without growth, there is only death.
And now, I shall listen to excellent Finntroll. Because THAT'S NOT METAL!!!
When it gets right down to it, the thing that is universally true about all the music I like is its ability to communicate genuine emotion. When I listen to Rhapsody Of Fire, pretty much my favourite ridiculous symphonic power metal band, the strength and intensity of the music makes me genuinely believe the optimism the music exudes. Similarly, how could you not believe the authenticity of Paul Baloff on Bonded By Blood or Ihsahn on Anthems To The Welkin At Dusk?
My problem is that there is very little outside of the world of hard rock and metal that does much for me until we reach the realm of classical music (please note the small "c"- Classical refers to a style of classical music most famously exhibited by Mozart and Haydn, but more on why I'm being pedantic later). This is admittedly limiting. I've really tried, but without the riffs and powerful bass section as a foundation, my attention wanders very quickly. The conundrum is that however amazing Slayer are, there are going to be times when I'm simply in the wrong mood for them. And this is where the import of variety becomes paramount.
To demonstrate, a few "facts":
Fact 1- hardcore punk is better at being out-and-out pissed off than any metal
Fact 2- you cannot have a genuinely uplifting black metal song
Fact 3- there is a limit to the number of thrash riffs than can be written without down-tuning the guitar so far only dogs can hear it
These facts may seem unrelated- and indeed they are. They all illustrate my point, however.
Explanation of Fact 1:
There are times when I am seriously pissed off. So pissed off that Darkthrone are too bleak, Iron Maiden too uplifting and Entombed too distorted. I want something fast, simple and fucking pissed fucking off. Let us turn in our hymnals to the collected works of Unearth (they're not metal, doncha know!). In particular, their rather splendid third album III: In The Eyes Of Fire. Fast, pissed off metalcore. It's still riffy, it's still metal, but it has a seriously narked edge that hardcore does far better than metal. Not metal? I don't care. It fits my mood when the occasion arises.
Explanation of Fact 2:
There are times when I am in a very, very good mood. So good that not even the terrific fun of Municipal Waste is quite happy enough for me. And that cheesy pop crap stirs me about as much as chocolate stirs cement. Turn again, if you will, to Rhapsody's masterpiece Dawn Of Victory. Yes, I know it's (more than) a touch ludicrous. But I challenge any vaguely emotionally motile person not to have a smile on your face by the end of the title track.
Explanation of Fact 3:
Eventually, stylistic blind alleys arise. Let's face it, the thrash revival is fun, but it's a genre that hasn't delivered a classic album since 1990. Lots of great stuff, but not since Rust In Peace and Seasons In The Abyss has an all-time classic come along. Or have they? I hear the name of Pantera being shouted at computer screens globally (or more likely in about three places in England). And Pantera illustrate my point perfectly- they took a dying genre, did something radically different with it and became the biggest and best heavy metal band of their generation. In a similar vein, Helloween were stunning, but there's a limit to how long that style of riffing remains interesting. That is why the symphonic elements came into power metal.
My point, which I am taking a long time to arise at, is that heavy metal has survived and remained great because of the diversification. New ideas breath life on dying embers and grow a flame bigger than ever before. The variety means there is a heavy metal record of sufficient quality for every emotion and mood, every pace and complexity. At least, very nearly...
And this is why I referred to maestri Mozart and Haydn. Because metal simply cannot do everything. As much as Opeth's Coil moves me to the verge of tears, it is a haunting beauty. Metal does beauty less well than other music forms, and can do it in fewer ways. Now and again, I need a little beauty in my life. There will never be a heavy metal song as beautiful as the slow movement of Mozart's Wind Serenade No. 10 in B flat. There will never be a metal song as subtly and softly disturbing as the closing minute or so of the first movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. And (sorry Opeth) there will never be a metal song as hauntingly, tragically beautiful as 'Un Bel di Vedremo' from Puccini's Madam Butterfly.
Which is why cries of "that's not metal" are so moronic. Metal can never, and will never be able to do everything, whatever its diversity. And to suggest that the diversification of the music we, as metalheads, hold so dear to our hearts is betraying the genre, and that metal can survive on Slayer, Black Sabbath and Death alone is simply daft. If music stagnates, it dies. I welcome people trying new things. It may not always work, but credit for trying. And when it does work, brilliant! A whole new type of heavy metal to listen to? That's exactly what I want! That was what made me move on from Metallica and Fear Factory and seek out Immortal, Sepultura and Sodom in the first place. It is what has kept heavy metal from dying when it has been at its lowest ebbs.
If you refer to something using the phrase "that's not metal", far from Defending The Faith, you are one of those who risks killing it. Without growth, there is only death.
And now, I shall listen to excellent Finntroll. Because THAT'S NOT METAL!!!
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